‘Person’ification Thursday, May 31 2007

I was going through some guys’ profiles on a matrimonial site when I came across this:

“I am person who would like to meet the person who likes me in person and talk to that person because I believe all this is just a way of expressing the actual person can be known only if u meet that person.”

Too much of ‘person’ification? Can some person please tell me what this person wants to say?
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Coincidence! Coincidence!

I received a forward on the same matter, which I am Ctrl+C and Ctrl+Ving here:

From guys’ profiles on matrimonial sites:

Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don’t have female, If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart…when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
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i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework(Homework?)
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Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
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she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.(ain’t it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ……..hold my hand forever !!!(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot(I don’t know why but this is one of my favorites)
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My wife should be as ‘Shivani’ as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT……(Ok I haven’t seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain’t he?)
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i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell…)
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I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
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whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants?)
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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok(I am again clueless but I liked the use of “ok”. The person is suffering from “Ok-syndrome”)
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HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the “ok syndrome” again)
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I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred(somebody please explain how to get married ‘completely’?)
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i am very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor??)
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my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes(height of desperation! )
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Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she have a frank she’s skin colour ‘normal’not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but i am not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.(uttama purushan)
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iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.(No comments)
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I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON’T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
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hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.idivorced my first wife.her charactor is not good’. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted …(but credit cards not accepted..???)
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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service(Zebra..???)
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i’m looking out for who lives in bombay , girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn’t it?)
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to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
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i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani.(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.(Any takers again?)

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Thollai Wednesday, May 30 2007

DISCLAIMER: This post is solely for the purpose of fun. No offence meant to any one.

On a certain day, at 5.30 P.M.

Mom: Lalita, innuma ready agalai? Kalyanam mudhinjathuku apparama kelambaporeya?
Lalita: Nee poittu vaa, ma. Naan varalai…
Mom: Onnakaga dhaan indhu kalyanathuku poharom di. Nee vandhe aganum.
(Lalita, getting the hint of what is to take place at the kalyanam, rolls her eyes in desperation.)
Lalita: Seri varein, ma. 5 minutes irru.
Mom: Kelambittu kizhe vaa, naanum appavum wait panrom.

5.45 P.M.

Lalita comes down the stairs.

Lalita: Vaanga, pogalam.
Mom: Yenna di idhellam?
Lalita: Yenna, ma?
Mom: Idhu yenna dressnu pottutirke?
Lalita: Salwaar dhaane, ma? Kalyanathuku jeans pottuka kudhadhunu last time nee vessaye, adhinal dhaan salwaar potthundein…
Mom: Idhu oru salwaar-aa? Onga coimbatore thata veshti kattipale adha polai oru pyjama, shirt madri oru top…Agra mental hospital lendhu odi vandha madri irrukku di..
Lalita: Po, ma. Idhu parallells. Ipdi dhan irrukkum. Idhu dhan fashion, ma. Yennodai yella friendsum yennakku indha dress romba nalla irrukkunu sollaral.
Mom: Onnodai friends onna madri dhaan irrukum? Po, ponna lakshanama vera dress pottunda va..
Lalita: Late ahadu, ma. Irrukkatume..
Mom: Paar, indha kalyanathilai neraya paer varaporanga. Nee fashion nu yedho pottukittu nikkarai…Po di dress matrikittu va..
(Lalita recognises THAT tone in her mom’s voice and knows that it is a losing battle)
Lalita: Aiyyo aiyyo, thollai…
Lalita goes off to her room to change.

6.15 P.M.

Lalita comes downstairs again, this time wearing a formal salwaar kameez.

Lalita: Idhu seriya irrukka?
Mom:(looking her up and down) Parava illai. Ozhunga dress pottunda nalla irrukke.
Lalita: Seri vaa pohalam..(feeling a sense of relief)
Mom: Iru di, oru nimusham..
Lalita:Ippo yenna, ma? (in a frustrated tone, feeling her peace suddenly shattered)
Mom: Talai la poove illai. Po naal poo vechundu va. Pottu kuda ittukalai…Yenna dhan panaraiyo?
Lalita: Viden ma…
Mom: Kalyanathuku ipdiya varuve? Po seriya kelambittu va…
Lalita raises her eyes heavenwards and goes back to her room.

6.45 P.M.

Lalita and her parents finally reach the marriage hall. The marriage ceremony is going on.

7.20 P.M.

Lalita’s parents are talking to Mrs. Unnikrishnan, whom they just met, while Lalita is watching on.
Mrs. U: Idhu onga ponna mami?
(Lalita makes a face in anticipation of some dramatic happenings)
Mom: Aamam mami.
Mrs.U: Yenna paer?
Mom: Lalita.
Mrs. U: Ponn yenna padhichirka? Yenna pannaral?
Mom: B.A. padhichirka mami. Oru nursery school le teacher-aa work panaraal.24 vayasu. Avalukku yedhavadhu paiyan irundha sollungal…
Mrs.U: Yennoda mamiyarku tangai ponnuku macchinar irrukar. Indha ponnuku parkalam nu dhan kettain..
Mom: Paiyan yenga irrukan mami? Yenna pannaran?
Mrs. U: Papanasham le sweet kadai vechurkaan. B.Com. padhuchirkan. 28 vayasu…
Mom: Papanasham-aa? Kashtame…
Mrs.U: Yenna mami..Ippolam ponnugal kalyanam pannikittu America poharthugal. Neenge yenna Papanasham ku ivlav kavalai padarel?
Mom: (thinking twice) Seri parkalam mami.
Mrs. U: Paiyan photo kondu vandhurken. Parunga..

Lalita watches as Mrs.U opens her huge purse and takes out a photograph.

Mrs. U: Idhu dhaan paiyan.

They all take turns at seeing the photograph. Lalita looks at the photograph to find a fairer and fatter version of Veerappan staring back at her.

Lalita:(whispers in her mom’s ears) Misai sooper, ma. Yenna fertiliser dhaan use panarangalo?
Mom: (in a low voice) Vazha mudu di…
Mrs.U: Yenna sollarel mami?
Mom: Onnum illai mami…Paiyan paer yenna?
Mrs.U: Hariharaumashankaraputra Rajamannar.
Lalita: (in a whisper) Hari nu paer vecha poradha?
Mom: (grating her teeth) Nee vazha mudu nu sonne illai..
Lalita: Hmm…Seri.
Mom: Jadagam kudungo mami. Parkalam.
Mrs.U: Adhum kondu vandhirken mami….Idho irrukku…

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Rearranging letters Tuesday, May 29 2007

I got this from a forward and felt it to be quite an interesting read:

DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE

PS: Any suggestions on what I should write about next?

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A quest for love Monday, May 28 2007

The lone traveler
Wanders about
In the huge arid desert,
In search of a priceless treasure,
A few times he sighted
His destination,
But it slipped away
Like sand from between the fingers,
Proving to be
Just a mirage, an illusion,
A search he has started on,
A seemingly endless one,
When he will find
His destination
Or will he even find it,
He knows not,
But he has hope with him
And that makes him go on,
Many a warrior before him
Has set out on this impossible task
Just to lose and return back wounded,
But he has heard
Of a few brave men
Who did reach the goal,
He has made up his mind
To complete this difficult mission,
To find a rose patch
In the dry desert,
To find true love
In a loveless world,
Nothing less will do,
He will wander about
Till he can search no more,
Alone and on his own,
For he knows
He would not find peace otherwise,
For he knows the sweetness
Of finding the treasure
Would be worth the wait.

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50 and going strong:-) Sunday, May 27 2007

Yay! My 50th post!

Well, what does one write on her/his 50th post? I am at a loss for words, so I thought I would write the story of how I started with this blog.

Reading and writing for me is something special, something that I would not give up for anything. It is an essential part of me.

I have been reading and writing since I was a kid. I don’t even know how old I was when I wrote my first poem. We have a huge library just opposite to our house, where I used to go as a kid. I used to spend hours at the library till the staff was sick of me. They knew me by name and still recognise me though I have stopped going there now.

I used to simply love reading and I still do. The number of Enid Blytons, Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drews, Secret Sevens, Famous Fives, fables and folk stories that I read as a child are uncountable. Then gradually, as studies took precedence, my reading habits dwindled, but thankfully, my love for reading has not changed. Now I have again started reading more on different subjects and, hopefully, will continue to do so.:-)

As a child, I remember writing stories and small child-like poems. I used to contribute to some children’s magazines. Those days were sure fun!:-) Unfortunately, I have very few of those treasures left with me now. I was very curious and highly imaginative in my childhood. It was a tough time for my mom to put up with me.:-) Then, in course of time, like my visits to the library, the frequency of my writing also dropped. However, I never did leave the habit completely and kept penning down something or the other every now and then. Now, again, I have started writing at full blast.:-)

I don’t know how I started writing. Maybe the facts that I am an only child and that am highly emotional and curious by nature has got to do with it. Whatever, I am really happy that I developed this habit. I find writing to be highly therapeutic. Writing takes me to a different world altogether. However sad or frustrated I may be, when I put my pen to paper, I change. When I finish writing, I am a different person altogether. I don’t know how I write, but I still love it.

As I walked down the path of life, I felt the need for a friend with whom I could share everything- my loneliness, my happiness, my sadness and my idle ramblings. Then I heard about blogging and felt that it was a great idea. That is how my dear blog was created. Today is my 50th post on this blog and I have loved every minute of it. It has been an amazing experience. Hope to continue this beautiful journey for a long time to come.:-)

Ending this post with a special note of thanks to all those who have been reading my inane blatherings and commenting. I will continue to torture you….:-)

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Understanding problems… Saturday, May 26 2007

Once again, a great forward that I received which touched me a lot:

One day I decided to quit…I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. .. I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with GOD.

“GOD”, I said. “Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”

His answer surprised me…”Look around”, GOD said, “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo,”GOD said.

“In year three, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit,” GOD said.

“Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant. But just 6 months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”

GOD said to me.”Did you know that all this time you have been struggling,you have actually been growing roots?”

“I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.”

“Don’t compare yourself to others.” GOD said.

“The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.”

“Your time will come”, GOD said to me, “You will rise high.”

“How high should I rise?,” I asked.

“How high will the bamboo rise?,” GOD asked in return.

“As high as it can?,” I questioned.

“Yes,” GOD said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can. “

I left the forest and bring back this story. I hope these words can help you see that GOD will never give up on you.

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed. Keep Smiling.

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A dish of bhelpuri and philosophy Friday, May 25 2007

Bhelpuri – a wonderful chat item that is a combination of sweet, sour and spicy tastes. Each of these unique flavors blend together to create a great dish.

Imagine that the bhelpuri has not been mixed properly. A piece of hot green chutney hits your tastebuds and you scream. The next bite has a bit more of sweet chutney and you relish it all the more after that having had that attack on your tastebuds.

Now imagine that more than the necessary amount of sweet chutney has been added. You would probably wrinkle your face in disgust on tasting it. You need a little bit of sour and spicy to create just that perfect flavour.

Isn’t our life just like that? A mix of sweet, sour and spicy moments? Too much sweet makes life dull. A few sour or spicy moments from time to time would create a more balanced life and would help us relish the sweet moments even more. We need to savour life as a whole instead of reflecting only on sweet times or sour ones…

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Customer care???? Thursday, May 24 2007

A hilarious but scary forward that I received

Customer care in 2020

Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Company. May I have your …?”
Customer: “Hello, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s eh…, hold on……88986135610 2049998-45- 54610″
Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17, JalanKayu. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office number 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from home now Sir?”
Customer: “Yes! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system, Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza?”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea, Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir”
Customer: “What? What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it.”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokkien Dishes” from the National Library last week, Sir”
Customer: “OK, I give up… Give me three family size ones then. How much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99.”
Customer: “Can I pay by credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,Sir.”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.”
Operator : “You can’t, Sir. Based on the records,you’ ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today.”
Customer: “Never mind, just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready.How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait, you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. “
Customer: ” What?”
Operator : “According to the details in the system ,you own a Scooter,…registration number 1123…”
Customer: ” ????”
Operator : “Is there anything else, Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing! .. By the way… aren’t you giving me those 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records, you’re also diabetic…. …”
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator “Better watch your language, Sir. Remember, on 15th July, 1987, you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman… ?”

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Love in waiting Wednesday, May 23 2007

A wealth of emotions
Waiting to be felt,
A wealth of experiences
Waiting to be had,
A wealth of journeys
Waiting to be undertaken,
A wealth of dreams
Waiting to be realised,
A wealth of memories
Waiting to be created,
A heartful of love and trust
Waiting to be reciprocated,
A whole lifetime
Waiting to be shared,
Half of my soul
Waiting for the other half
To make it a whole,
Come, step into my life
Be one with me,
Come, make my life
More meaningful,
Let us multiply our joys
And divide our sorrows,
Let us stand united,
One against the world,
Come, let us make
The world more beautiful – together.

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Never lose your value! Tuesday, May 22 2007

Something great I picked up from a forward:

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rs. 500 note. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this Rs. 500 note?”

Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this note to one of you, but first let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple the note up. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still hands were up in the air.”Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air. “My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rs. 500/-. “

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special.

Don’t ever forget it! Never let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dreams.

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