Thollai

DISCLAIMER: This post is solely for the purpose of fun. No offence meant to any one.

On a certain day, at 5.30 P.M.

Mom: Lalita, innuma ready agalai? Kalyanam mudhinjathuku apparama kelambaporeya?
Lalita: Nee poittu vaa, ma. Naan varalai…
Mom: Onnakaga dhaan indhu kalyanathuku poharom di. Nee vandhe aganum.
(Lalita, getting the hint of what is to take place at the kalyanam, rolls her eyes in desperation.)
Lalita: Seri varein, ma. 5 minutes irru.
Mom: Kelambittu kizhe vaa, naanum appavum wait panrom.

5.45 P.M.

Lalita comes down the stairs.

Lalita: Vaanga, pogalam.
Mom: Yenna di idhellam?
Lalita: Yenna, ma?
Mom: Idhu yenna dressnu pottutirke?
Lalita: Salwaar dhaane, ma? Kalyanathuku jeans pottuka kudhadhunu last time nee vessaye, adhinal dhaan salwaar potthundein…
Mom: Idhu oru salwaar-aa? Onga coimbatore thata veshti kattipale adha polai oru pyjama, shirt madri oru top…Agra mental hospital lendhu odi vandha madri irrukku di..
Lalita: Po, ma. Idhu parallells. Ipdi dhan irrukkum. Idhu dhan fashion, ma. Yennodai yella friendsum yennakku indha dress romba nalla irrukkunu sollaral.
Mom: Onnodai friends onna madri dhaan irrukum? Po, ponna lakshanama vera dress pottunda va..
Lalita: Late ahadu, ma. Irrukkatume..
Mom: Paar, indha kalyanathilai neraya paer varaporanga. Nee fashion nu yedho pottukittu nikkarai…Po di dress matrikittu va..
(Lalita recognises THAT tone in her mom’s voice and knows that it is a losing battle)
Lalita: Aiyyo aiyyo, thollai…
Lalita goes off to her room to change.

6.15 P.M.

Lalita comes downstairs again, this time wearing a formal salwaar kameez.

Lalita: Idhu seriya irrukka?
Mom:(looking her up and down) Parava illai. Ozhunga dress pottunda nalla irrukke.
Lalita: Seri vaa pohalam..(feeling a sense of relief)
Mom: Iru di, oru nimusham..
Lalita:Ippo yenna, ma? (in a frustrated tone, feeling her peace suddenly shattered)
Mom: Talai la poove illai. Po naal poo vechundu va. Pottu kuda ittukalai…Yenna dhan panaraiyo?
Lalita: Viden ma…
Mom: Kalyanathuku ipdiya varuve? Po seriya kelambittu va…
Lalita raises her eyes heavenwards and goes back to her room.

6.45 P.M.

Lalita and her parents finally reach the marriage hall. The marriage ceremony is going on.

7.20 P.M.

Lalita’s parents are talking to Mrs. Unnikrishnan, whom they just met, while Lalita is watching on.
Mrs. U: Idhu onga ponna mami?
(Lalita makes a face in anticipation of some dramatic happenings)
Mom: Aamam mami.
Mrs.U: Yenna paer?
Mom: Lalita.
Mrs. U: Ponn yenna padhichirka? Yenna pannaral?
Mom: B.A. padhichirka mami. Oru nursery school le teacher-aa work panaraal.24 vayasu. Avalukku yedhavadhu paiyan irundha sollungal…
Mrs.U: Yennoda mamiyarku tangai ponnuku macchinar irrukar. Indha ponnuku parkalam nu dhan kettain..
Mom: Paiyan yenga irrukan mami? Yenna pannaran?
Mrs. U: Papanasham le sweet kadai vechurkaan. B.Com. padhuchirkan. 28 vayasu…
Mom: Papanasham-aa? Kashtame…
Mrs.U: Yenna mami..Ippolam ponnugal kalyanam pannikittu America poharthugal. Neenge yenna Papanasham ku ivlav kavalai padarel?
Mom: (thinking twice) Seri parkalam mami.
Mrs. U: Paiyan photo kondu vandhurken. Parunga..

Lalita watches as Mrs.U opens her huge purse and takes out a photograph.

Mrs. U: Idhu dhaan paiyan.

They all take turns at seeing the photograph. Lalita looks at the photograph to find a fairer and fatter version of Veerappan staring back at her.

Lalita:(whispers in her mom’s ears) Misai sooper, ma. Yenna fertiliser dhaan use panarangalo?
Mom: (in a low voice) Vazha mudu di…
Mrs.U: Yenna sollarel mami?
Mom: Onnum illai mami…Paiyan paer yenna?
Mrs.U: Hariharaumashankaraputra Rajamannar.
Lalita: (in a whisper) Hari nu paer vecha poradha?
Mom: (grating her teeth) Nee vazha mudu nu sonne illai..
Lalita: Hmm…Seri.
Mom: Jadagam kudungo mami. Parkalam.
Mrs.U: Adhum kondu vandhirken mami….Idho irrukku…

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10 Comments

Filed under Kaamedi Kimedi, My stories

10 responses to “Thollai

  1. badari narayanan

    Very nice. When did you get a chance to visit Agra mental hospital? : )
    Your description of the dress reminds me of PGW’s oft repeated joke – “Mr. _ was pinched for stealing a yellow and green checked shirt” or words to that effect. Imagine wearing such a shirt. : )

  2. Priya Iyer

    badariji,

    thanks. pgw rocks:-) seriously.

    as for my visit to agra mental hospital, yenga vittukara oru daravai yenna angai vittutu vandha. hospital karanga vechuka mudhiyadhunu tiramba kondu vittutanga…:-) adhunala dhan teriyum..

  3. Brinda

    Idhe Maadhiri Paiyanukkum Nadakkuma? It shows the sad state of our society.

  4. Priya Iyer

    brinds,

    well, from what I have heard, this ‘thollai’ happens to guys also! 🙂 some consolation indeed!:-)

  5. Priya

    besh besh, romba nanna irukku 🙂

    and hey, now I remember where I’ve met you – neengalum adhe Agra mental hospital thaana? appove nenachchen..seri ketta thappa nenachuppelonnu.. 😉

  6. Priya Iyer

    priya,

    he he he:-)

    adada, adhu dhan appava thonithu indha philosophy ellam yengayo keta madri irukkenu….now i got it!;-)

  7. Ryan.A.Nash

    Lol…..comedy

    HArihara blah blah

    gr8 work if it’s imagination!!!!

    The guy might think the same too u know!!

  8. Priya Iyer

    sharan,

    thanks:-) it is part fact- part fiction! 🙂

  9. Nice one…but I guess its a point worth worrying about and not being merely sarcastic…some of these things can really get to people…Poor outlook of our society
    Sathej

  10. priyaiyer

    @sathej

    he he! thollai daan, but ennatha panradhu? the best we can do is take it in good spirits. 🙂

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