Note 1: Beware! A lot of pointless nonsense follows. Please feel free to click the little X at the top right corner of your browser if you don’t want to read further. Read this post at your own risk. The blogger will not be responsible for any kind of damages to any reader caused on account of the reader’s immense desire to bang his/her head against something solid after reading the post. 🙂
This post is the result of a brainstorming session with one of my friends, which we prefer to term ‘satsangs’. Ok, ok, I can hear shouts of ‘You need to have a brain in order to storm it!’ 🙂
Still, I can’t resist posting it! Over to the post!
Remember those times in our childhood when we used to ask “What if there was no moon?’ or ‘What if there was no school?’ 😉 This post is of that kind. Me and my friend tried to think (Me and think? Now, that’s a big question mark indeed! ) ‘what if there were no vehicles?’ All other things in the modern world remaining the same, we just tried to imagine what would happen if there were no vehicles. People would be using animals to travel to school, college, office and other places, as was the case in earlier times. We came up with a number of brilliant (????) imaginary ideas.
Note 2: So you are still reading? Courageous, eh? Aap ki himmat ki daad deni padegi. 🙂 Are you really tearing out your hair or am I just imagining it? Ok, over to our brilliant gems. 😉
#1 You could hear people talking to their friends on the lines of “Tera ghoda 50 ki average deta hai? Wow yaar! Mera to sirf 40 ki deta hai!”
#2 You would be able to see long lines of elephants, horses, donkeys and other animals parked (?) outside malls, schools, colleges, gardens, offices and public places.
#3 Pollution levels would be drastically lesser.
#4 Instead of petrol pumps, there would have been fodder stores at every nook and corner.
#5 Software would be developed to get maximum average per unit of grass.
#6 You would need to get your animal insured. The insurance form would read ‘What is the breed of your horse?’ The premium would depend upon the breed of your animal.
#7 You would get calls from banks asking ‘Do you wish to take a loan to buy an elephant?’ The agent would say: ‘Madam, you have been using a horse for so long. Don’t you think you should now switch to an elephant?’
#8 There would be tough competition among the suppliers of animals. Their ads would sound like “Hathi – public ka naya transport” and “Hamara ghoda lo – 3 check ups free pao”
#9 Other ads would sound like “Apne ghode ko ABC brand chane khilao, usko bijli jaisa dodao!”
#10 Instead of hoardings that now read ‘Have you got your vehicle checked for pollution?’, they would read ‘Have you got your horse checked for malnourishment?’
#11 Once a month, you would be required to send your animal in for servicing, er checking.
#12 There would be competitions among animal owners on the lines of ‘Kiska ghoda sabse tez?’
#13 Scientists would undertake the task of cross breeding of various animals to produce a faster breed.
#14 Market surveys would be conducted to find out which animal is most preferred by people, how to make your animal faster, etc.
#15 Instead of driving schools, there would be elephant and horse driving schools. Their signs would read ‘Learn how to drive an elephant safely with our expert trainers.’
#16 People would say, “Can you call later? Abhi main ghoda chala raha hoon!”
#17 At a traffic signal, your horse would be grinning(????) at the mare standing next to it.
#18 The traffic policeman would stop you and ask “Do you have a license to ride that elephant? Your license says that you can only ride a horse.”
#19 Signs on parking lots would read ‘Please don’t park elephants in the space provided for horses.’
#20 If you park your animal in a ‘No animal zone’, it would be town away.
#21 Your spouse would ask you, ‘Jaanu, aaj khana khan ke baad elephant ride ke liye chalein?’
#22 There would be courses like MBA in Animal Management with specializations like: Horse, donkey and elephant.
#23 You would say to your friend, “Mera ghoda bimaar hai yaar. Tu apna ghoda le ke aa ja.”
#24 The government would collect taxes from animal owners to generate revenue for cleaning up animal droppings from the roads.
#25 You would need to carry an emergency supply of grass for your horse, to use if it refuses to budge on the way.
#26 Your mom would say ‘I don’t trust you to ride behind you on that elephant!’
#27 Instead of mechanics, there would be animal specialists at nooks and corners.
#28 If a policeman hits your buffalo, you can sing ‘meri bhains ko danda kyon mara?’
PS 1: We tried to imagine a scene where an elephant meets an accident with a horse, but on account of uncontrollable giggling, we were not able to progress further on those lines. Can I hear you saying “How much more vetti can people get?” 🙂
PS 2: Congratulations for having survived thus far! You are indeed strong! 🙂
PPS: You will still come back to my blog, won’t you? 🙂