Lost, kind of…

I went to a funeral last weekend. I didn’t know the person who died very well, but was, kind of, obliged to go. I was expecting to get a little disturbed, as I usually do at funerals. I got disturbed, all right, but for all the wrong reasons.

When I reached there, I felt like I was inside Page 3. Remember that funeral scene in the movie? It very much felt like that. There were silk sarees and designer clothes and matching necklaces and bangles galore. The food was much relished, and the cook was much complimented. There was a lot of catching up happening. There was talk of everything – from tours and jobs to family and jewellery and Facebooking! Sadly, there was not even a single word mentioned by anyone about the man who died, not a single tear in anyone’s eyes.

I am the kind of person who believes in moving on, in not wallowing in your pain, but getting up and dusting yourself off and walking ahead. But, still, this stunned me. It felt…. cold. Chilling. When I returned, I didn’t feel like I had returned from a funeral.

That reminded me of a funeral in our very own home at Ahmedabad in 2008 – my grandfather’s. I was pissed by some attitudes back then. I was angry at people choosing to discuss family issues right then and there. I was angry at people enquiring about the number of rooms in my would-be husband’s house ( I was just about to get married then), the number of members in his family, the marital status of each and so on and so forth. I can never forget the words of comfort that the better half provided me then, which made me feel that he was there with me throughout – though he was in Bangalore at the time.

What happened to the good old days when people met together to say their prayers for the deceased? What happened to that compassion, that warmth? I understand times have changed, but shouldn’t we at least be remembering the person who passed away – part of your life for quite a while –Ā  for 2 days? Or am I missing out on something? Is it just me?


Filed under Life, Musings

21 responses to “Lost, kind of…

  1. Praveen

    My mother’s funeral a few months ago and the religious proceedings that followed had the same surrounding sans the discussion on designer wears, considering it to be a Tambrahm household.
    I was on the verge of kicking out a few people.

    Aside, I also had this post up on another occasion.

    The world has lost its sensitivity I suppose.

    • priyaiyer


      I read that post of yours and remember feeling sad. I think I even commented on it.
      It really makes me feel sick to see this kind of insensitivity, and makes me wonder if I am the only odd one out. I also feel at times that the world is losing its sensitivity. I too was on the verge of slapping a few people at my grandpa’s funeral.
      This one was also a TamBrahm household, not that it matters in any way.

      • Praveen

        I mentioned ” TamBrahm household” coz it didnt have the designer conversation. btw I suppose you thought the post I linked on my previous comment was related to my mom. no. That is another one and I don’t think you read it.

    • priyaiyer


      Oh, I read both posts and commented on both too! šŸ™‚

  2. I erally don’t know, what has happened to the world šŸ˜¦

  3. Times have changed and people have changed too. People are becoming sensitive to silly issues and insensitive to issues concerning human relationships. The same kind of stuff happened during my grandmothers’ funerals earlier this year.

  4. Bragadeesh

    Its hard truth and the part I hate is people actually want to rush through the whole process and make it as quick as possible to make it to office, or party or whatever. Reminds me of my hometown. If there is any death we would tie some palm leaves in trees or lamp posts, so that the people in the neighbourhood will know the news and would come in. And the family where the death happened will be taken care by the neighbours for atleast 5 days (kids to school, lunch for them) and all. Chennai is so different. Sometimes I seriously think i should not have relocated here. People are just sick. I am turning into one myself.

    • priyaiyer


      ‘people actually want to rush through the whole process and make it as quick as possible to make it to office, or party or whatever.’ – I have been through that too, and that’s all the more disgusting.

  5. Welcome to the grown up’s world Priya . I so agree with your this post. Why people can not alter themselves according to occassions is beyond me !

  6. It is sad that people have become so materialistic. I think talks about property and other family issues should wait until the tears of the direct family members have stopped. Recently an uncle passed away in our Indian community and very next day the brother of the deceased wanted the papers of all the property. That made me so sad.

  7. I’m so sorry, Priya. I had the same feeling when my grandfather passed away in 2007. Almost utter disgust with a lot of my relatives.

    • priyaiyer


      I am overwhelmed at the number of people who have been there in my shoes, and have felt exactly the same thing!

  8. Kalyug ka zamana hai…

    very sad….Thank God none of this happened at my grandfather’s funeral….Except for a couple of people prodding me about life in the US(I was right beside my thatha’s body then) and I gave a customary glare shutting them up…or maybe people are more immature these days!!

  9. priyaiyer


    very sad, indeed.

  10. Pingback: First lines meme « uniquely priya

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